Curses, My Nose Fell Off!
by Topaz
Summary: How Eloise Midgen cursed her nose off. Note my creative names for the chapters ^_^.
1. The Beginning

Curses, My Nose Fell Off!  
by Topaz  
  
A/N: Well, I've always wanted to write something about Eloise Midgen, and I finally did. This is the story of how she cursed her nose off (as mentioned in GoF). I tried using html, so it might come out strange. Enjoy!  
  
  
It started in Potions. Professor Snape was being his usual slimy, disagreeable self, so my friend Cho and I were passing notes.  
  
Cho tossed me a note, folded neatly into a tiny white square. It took me about ten minutes to unfold it, but I finally managed.  
  
Eloise,  
This is boring as hell.  
  
I scribbled, "We're in hell" and tossed it back. Professor Snape rambled on about potions that counteract magic, so he didn't notice when Cho wrote something and flipped the note back to me.   
  
Eloise,  
This is boring as hell.  
  
We're in Hell.  
  
I know. That's why. Except I don't believe that Hell exists.  
  
I snorted and rolled my eyes at Cho, then chose a new scrap of parchment and wrote back.  
  
Cho,  
You're weird. Of course Hell exists. We're in it now. Snape is the Devil who never washes his hair, and Jeremy is a demon.  
  
Cho grinned, scrawled a reply, and handed it to me.  
  
Jeremy is a smelly demon.  
  
We both looked at Jeremy, an annoying Slytherin who sits right in front of Cho, and tried not to giggle.   
  
Jeremy is a big, fat, smelly, stupid demon.  
  
Cho read my note and laughed out loud. Snape whirled around to glare at her. "Sorry, Professor," she said meekly.   
  
Jeremy is a big, fat, smelly, stupid, horny demon.  
  
I bit my lip to keep from laughing and grinned at Cho.   
  
Jeremy is a big, fat, smelly, stupid, horny bastard.  
  
I flicked the note toward Cho, but it went too far and landed on Jeremy's table. Cho and I looked at each other, horrified.  
  
He leaned over and picked it up, then opened the note and began reading it.  
  
Eep.  
  
***  
  
Later that day, Cho and I told Lisa Turpin about what had happened. She found it hysterical.  
  
"He found it?" she shrieked. "You guys are so stupid!"  
  
"Tell us something we don't know," Cho said.  
  
"A horny bastard." Lisa was laughing so hard she was crying. "That describes him so well. Did you guys hear about what happened when Mrs. Creevey came to bring Colin his wand when he left it at home? Well, she was walking across the grounds and Jeremy saw her, and Morgan said he was practically drooling--"  
  
"Shut up," Cho hissed frantically. Lisa stared at her, puzzled, then turned around.  
  
Jeremy, who had been standing behind me and Lisa, glared at us.  
  
"Hi," I squeaked.  
  
"Papulus," Jeremy said, pointing his wand at me. He turned to Lisa, but she yanked her own wand out of her pocket and pointed it back at him.  
  
"Leave," Cho said, "or we'll blast you to smithereens, you smelly horny demon bastard."  
  
Lisa and I cracked up. Jeremy scowled at Cho and stomped away, but he didn't dare do anything more; he has a huge crush on her. Not to mention the fact that she's Ravenclaw's dueling champion.  
  
"What was that spell, anyway?" I asked, watching Jeremy stalk off. "I didn't feel anything."  
  
"Um, Eloise...." Cho was looking at me oddly. "It's, er, a Pimple Curse."  
  
"PIMPLES?!"  
  
***  
  
To be continued....  



	2. The Middle

Curses, My Nose Fell Off!  
by Topaz  
  
A/N: Read part one if you haven't already. And please review :-). This is the second-to-last part...only one more to go after this! Hang in there!  
  
  
I tried everything to get those bedamned pimples off my face. Hundreds of stupid magical "cures" that the girls in my dorm offered, washing my face, even coating my face with something that Lisa called "asparagus extract" that did nothing but turn my pimples green.  
  
They wouldn't come off.  
  
"C'mon, Ellie, they're just pimples," Cho said desperately, as I sat glumly in the dorm, staring at the mirror. "Lots of people have them. Snape has a big pimple on his nose, and those lunks Crabbe and Goyle have really bad acne."  
  
"And I want to be just like them!" I said sarcastically, dabbing at my nose with wet toilet paper.   
  
"Eloise, you're being ridiculous," Lisa said, stepping into the room. "Everyone knows it's just because of Jeremy's curse. C'mon, let's go tell a teacher."  
  
"No!" I said. "If we tell the teachers Jeremy will tell that Cho and I were passing notes! Snape will kill us!"  
  
"Well, then you won't have to worry about your pimples anymore," Cho said brightly.   
  
I scowled into the mirror. "I refuse to be seen like this. It's bad enough being ugly, I don't have to be ugly and pimply!"  
  
"You're not ugly, Ellie," Cho and Lisa said promptly.  
  
"I don't know about that," my mirror said. "My goodness, child, haven't you been washing your face recently?"  
  
"That's it!" I screamed, throwing a bottle of Rita Skeeter's Face Cleansing Potion at the mirror. "I'm not leaving this room until my pimples are gone!"  
  
Cho and Lisa sighed, looked sadly at each other, and wandered off, leaving me alone in the dark with my pimples.  
  
***  
  
The next morning I was still pimply, not to mention stiff, cranky, and sore from sitting all night in front of the mirror.  
  
"Rise and shine, Sleeping Ugly," my mirror said cheerfully. I snatched a tube of lipstick and began dotting it all over the mirror.   
  
"Ha!" I said with great satisfaction. "Now you have pimples, too!"  
  
I left the mirror shrieking and moaning in horror and went into the closet to get dressed. Cho, Morgan, and Sara, my three dorm mates, were rubbing their eyes and yawning as the morning sun slanted through the windows.  
  
When I emerged from the closet, dressed in plain black robes that only drew more attention to my pimples, the mirror began cursing loudly at me. I grinned.  
  
Cho eyed my face critically. "I think your acne is improving, Eloise."  
  
"No, it isn't," I groaned. "It's getting worse. I'm going to kill Jeremy."  
  
"You little brat," the mirror growled. "I put up with you little monsters day in and day out, and this is what I get in return? Lipstick pimples! I'll be the laughingstock of the Hogwarts Mirror Society!"  
  
"Serves you right," I snapped. "If you don't shut up I'll smear finger paint all over you."  
  
Sara poked her head out of the closet where she was changing. "There's a Hogwarts Mirror Society?"  
  
"Yes," the mirror said sulkily, "and I used to be the head of it. Until now, thanks to Miss Pimpleface over there."  
  
"I'm not leaving this room until I'm pimple-free," I said stubbornly as the others started out the door. "Tell the teachers I'm sick."  
  
"Eloise...." Morgan sighed. "Come on, no one will laugh at you."  
  
"Jeremy will."  
  
"I was talking about human beings." When I didn't move, they tried to pull me out, but I grabbed hold of the mirror. "Eloise, are you just going to stay here and mope all day?"  
  
"That sounds about right," I agreed, sitting down on the bed.  
  
"Oh, suit yourself." Cho sighed and stomped out the door, followed by Morgan and Sara.   
  
"Don't let the door hit your fat arses on the way out!" the mirror shouted after them.  
  
***  
  
It was reeeaally boring staying in my dorm all day. Somewhere around lunchtime one of the Gryffindors came in, holding a tray of soup and toast.   
  
"Here." She set the tray down on my bed. "Madam Pomfrey sent me to bring you this since you're sick. She also wanted to know if you want to come to the hospital wing."  
  
I shook my head, which was buried in my pillow. "No thanks." My reply came out muffled.  
  
"Okay," the girl said hesitantly. "Um, are you going to eat lunch?"  
  
I sat up, letting my long hair fall in front of my face so that she couldn't see my pimples. "I suppose. Thanks for bringing it."  
  
She nodded. "No problem. You're Eloise Midgen, right? I'm Hermione Granger."  
  
"Hello," I said morosely. "I'm actually not Eloise Midgen. I'm her evil twin. She's out somewhere, pimple-free. I'm just pretending to be her, but the real Eloise doesn't have pimples."  
  
"Ohhh." Hermione sat down next to me. "You have acne?"  
  
I scowled. "It was the Pimple Curse. Do you know the countercurse?"  
  
Hermione smiled weakly. "Actually, there isn't one."  
  
I think I started hitting my head against the wall at that point, but I'm not sure because after a few seconds everything went black.  
  
***  
  
To be continued.... Well, duh. :-)  



	3. The End

Curses, My Nose Fell Off!  
by Topaz  
  
A/N: Ah, the conclusion of my wonderful *cough* series. I hope, for her sake, that Eloise isn't really quite this stupid...she's almost as bad as me....  
  
  
When I came to the room was empty except for a small note.  
  
Eloise,  
I waited for an hour or so, but you didn't wake up, so I had to leave. I used a Heat Charm on your soup and toast, so it's still warm. Um, you blacked out after you started bashing your head against the wall -- are you okay? I'm going to tell Madam Pomfrey, but she's really busy since the dragon Hagrid brought for Care of Magical Creatures has been mangling everyone.  
-Hermione  
  
I sat up and rubbed my head. It was sore.   
  
"Lovely sight, that was," the mirror said with relish. "If you hadn't gone and banged yourself up like that I might've, you little upstart."  
  
"You're a mirror, you can't beat me up," I pointed out.  
  
"Just cause I'm a mirror, you assume I can't do things!" the mirror shrieked. "Discrimination!"  
  
"Oh, bloody hell." I went into the closet and pulled my cloak over my head so I couldn't hear the mirror's ranting.  
  
I think I fell asleep for a while, and when I woke up, I had a brilliant idea.   
  
"I'll curse my pimples off!" I cried, sitting up and banging my head on a hanger.   
  
"I wish you'd curse your head off," the mirror grumbled. "Snotty little brat."  
  
I said "Lumos," and started scrambling around, looking for one of my old curse books. "Aha! Here it is!" I shoved piles of robes off of the book and held it up. "'Curses'. What a creative title."  
  
"Well, what else would you call a book about curses?" the mirror said waspishly. "'Cucumber Tea?'"  
  
I glared fiercely at it. "I'll turn you into a cucumber if you don't shut up." Finally I found a curse that looked it might work: the Detachment Curse.   
  
The Detachment Curse:  
Point your want at the object you desire to detach and say "Abductus". The object will detach from whatever it is attached to. Countercharm: The Magnet Charm.  
  
"That's it!" I said, delighted. "I'll curse my pimples off with the Detachment Charm! Then by the time the others get back I'll be pimple-free again!"   
  
"Aren't you a genius," the mirror said sourly.  
  
I stepped out of the closet and went over to sit in front of the mirror so I could see where my wand was pointed. I positioned it carefully, covered my eyes so they wouldn't be hurt by the flash, and cried, "Abductus!"  
  
***  
  
Silence from the mirror. I took my hands off of my eyes and reached for my nose to see if it was still pimply.  
  
It wasn't there.  
  
"My nose!" I screamed, panicking. "What happened to my nose?!"  
  
"You cursed it off, dummy," the mirror said sullenly. "Intelligent thing to do."  
  
"MY NOSE!" I started running around the room, screaming and flailing my arms. "MY NOSE IS GONE!"  
  
Cho and Morgan peered in; classes must've been over. "Eloise?"  
  
"MY NOSE!"  
  
"YOUR NOSE!" Cho shrieked in horror.  
  
Sara walked in. "What's going on?"  
  
"HER NOSE!" Morgan and Cho yelled.  
  
"It's right here in front of me," the mirror said irritably. "Honestly, don't you people have brains, or did you curse those away, too? Humans these days."  
  
My nose lay on the carpet, all alone. I leaned over and picked it up, feeling the soft cartilage under my fingers. It wasn't pimply anymore.   
  
***  
  
Well, Madam Pomfrey eventually fixed my nose back on, both Jeremy and I received detentions cleaning the dungeon (or Hell, as Cho and I like to call it now). He still likes to say my nose is off center, but I don't believe him. It's not off center.  
  
Is it?  
  
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
THE END  
  
*grins* Evil, aren't I? Maybe I'll write a sequel...Eloise and Jeremy's detention. That might prove interesting, at least for me, sadist that I am. Anyway, hope you liked it!  
  
Thank you to:   
AnimeJade, Rebecca (it doesn't say what year and house she's in, though, right?), TheDevilChild, George Sand (I still think it's a weird name, though I shouldn't talk - I called myself Lulu the Mad Cheese for a while), *Shelley*, child of shadows, Nagini, ponygrl327, ~Misty~, Daydreamer, Zoe (can't do the dot dot thing over the e, sorry), MoonDancer, Emily, Felicity, *-lone astronomer-* (you speak French? cool!), Faith, Sleeping Beauty (I can't do italics! Stupid Notepad), Crystal Music (Author Alert has been weird lately, I guess), cheeseputt, aragog (Simon and Garfunkle? You poor thing!), TheEvilCactus (nice name...^_^), :O) (ditto), Rainbow Kitty (Yes, a very original name for the chapter), ChoChangGurl, Sierra Charm (I have more free time than you! *sticks out tongue*), METMA Mandy (I never found out who won that challenge I entered), Sera (exclamation marks are fun!!!), Mrs. Norris (awww...now I feel all warm and fuzzy ^_^), ***Draco~Malfoy~Lover***(Eek! The special characters!~*~*), and Carolyn the Lovely Lynn (Jeremy? Dead cute? Must not be the Jeremy I know...) for reviewing the first chapters before I posted this.   
  
-Topaz 


End file.
